Help Me I’m Drunk!!!

Check out this story in the Miami Herald.

“OLDSMAR, Fla. — Authorities say a Florida man who called 911 claiming he’d been beaten and shot at was hoping the tale would get him a ride to a bar.”

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/nation/AP/story/1402972.html

I can usually get my best material right from real life.

“He told the dispatcher he had a broken nose and bleeding ears, and claimed people were shooting at him.
Authorities say he was actually looking for a ride to another bar.”

And of course:

“37-year-old Gregory J. Oras is facing charges of misusing the 911 system and battery of a law enforcement officer.”

Why battery of a law enforcement officer?
Because when the cops refused to take this guy bar hopping “Oras kicked a Pinellas County sheriff’s deputy in the knees”.

Now I know you have many questions about this. I’m sure that someone can reasonably ask anything from:
Was this guy dropped on his head as a child?
To: how much can a taxi possibly cost in that town?

But my personal questions are:

a) Why doesn’t a guy this committed to partying have more friends to drive him around? I would think that he would be really popular with countless options for designated drivers.
b) Why isn’t the owner of the bar he wanted to go to willing to pick him up? Obviously anybody that gets that smashed is a potential goldmine of business for any bar. They should have spent the $3.00 on gas and went to get that cash cow! Assuming that he doesn’t start a brawl, blow the place up, step out on the bill or burn the bar down that would have been a smart business move for them. Even after he inevitably throws up in both the men’s and women’s bathrooms.

So that’s my view on it. The link to the article is right there. Take a look and give me your take (don’t worry it’s short – you can go back to raising your virtual ant farm on Facebook in no time).

Take it easy.

www.TheComedyPoint.com

Limerick #2

Everyone envied Bob Sabre

Till his Missus went into Labor

You could tell by his frown

that she had slept around

Junior looked just like the Neighbor

A violation of the Blue Balls Protocol

“MADISON, Wis. – A nurse was called out of surgery so a manager could tell her she was being laid off. Dean Health said the surgery was minor and the patient wasn’t affected, but the manager who summoned the nurse from surgery violated medical protocol.”

As anyone who goes by “Mr. Lipshitz” knows, a name is very important.

It’s all in the details.

If you make a nurse stop working in the middle of a procedure it’s called a violation of medical protocol.

If you make a Porn Star stop working in the middle of a procedure it’s called blue balls.

Lipshitz: http://www.houseofnames.com/nameresults.asp?item=JPG-1001-300&sId=&surname=Lipshitz&origin=GR

http://www.startribune.com/nation/43051017.html?elr=KArks:DCiUMEaPc:UiacyKUnciaec8O7EyUr

A Limerick

The drive to work started off fine

Till I flew right through the Stop Sign

At this she was blue

And growled “Screw You!!”

I sped off replying “Kiss Mine!”

Shiver me timbers! Pirate Misquoted!

“Obama says US ‘resolved’ to fight piracy; pirates vow revenge for captain’s rescue”

This piece of front-page news might contain a misquote from one of the villains.

This part right here:

“From now on, if we capture foreign ships and their respective countries try to attack us, we will kill them (the hostages),” Jamac Habeb, a 30-year-old pirate, told The Associated Press from one of Somalia’s piracy hubs, Eyl.

I think the quote was supposed to be:

“From now on, if we capture foreign ships and their respective countries try to attack us, we will hornswaggle the landlubbers!”

We should check on that.

http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=7321178