Darwin is right…again.

Posted March 23, 2010 by comicalone
Categories: In The News

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Do you ever get the feeling that Darwin’ theories about survival of the fittest apply to modern humans too?

I got that feeling when I read this:

“KENNEWICK, Wash. – A burglar who spent about five hours on a store’s computer after breaking into the business gave police all the clues they needed to track him down.”

The associated press reported this piece of scientific evidence last week. Why is it scientific evidence?

Well the way I figure it, this person will end up in jail – eventually. And while in jail he will not be able to reproduce (barring any conjugal visits). That’s it. A guy dumb enough to loiter in the place he’s robbing for five hours to play around online is not the kind of guy we want making more people.

“Investigators said the 17-year-old logged into his MySpace account while at Bella Office Furniture and that made it easy for them to find him.”

It’s also a blessing that the criminal will not be able to use any social networking sites while in prison. His status updates would most certainly be too graphic for most to read – depending on how frisky of a cellmate he ends up with.

“He also spent time…trying to sell stolen items, all while using the business’ computer.”

And of course, no five-hour stint on the internet would be complete without a look on Ebay. Although I’m not convinced he was trying to sell the items he had just stolen. He might have also been looking to bid for some of the items he wasn’t able to find at the crime scene.

But what do I know?



Help Me I’m Drunk!!!

Posted December 31, 2009 by comicalone
Categories: In The News

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Check out this story in the Miami Herald.

“OLDSMAR, Fla. — Authorities say a Florida man who called 911 claiming he’d been beaten and shot at was hoping the tale would get him a ride to a bar.”


I can usually get my best material right from real life.

“He told the dispatcher he had a broken nose and bleeding ears, and claimed people were shooting at him.
Authorities say he was actually looking for a ride to another bar.”

And of course:

“37-year-old Gregory J. Oras is facing charges of misusing the 911 system and battery of a law enforcement officer.”

Why battery of a law enforcement officer?
Because when the cops refused to take this guy bar hopping “Oras kicked a Pinellas County sheriff’s deputy in the knees”.

Now I know you have many questions about this. I’m sure that someone can reasonably ask anything from:
Was this guy dropped on his head as a child?
To: how much can a taxi possibly cost in that town?

But my personal questions are:

a) Why doesn’t a guy this committed to partying have more friends to drive him around? I would think that he would be really popular with countless options for designated drivers.
b) Why isn’t the owner of the bar he wanted to go to willing to pick him up? Obviously anybody that gets that smashed is a potential goldmine of business for any bar. They should have spent the $3.00 on gas and went to get that cash cow! Assuming that he doesn’t start a brawl, blow the place up, step out on the bill or burn the bar down that would have been a smart business move for them. Even after he inevitably throws up in both the men’s and women’s bathrooms.

So that’s my view on it. The link to the article is right there. Take a look and give me your take (don’t worry it’s short – you can go back to raising your virtual ant farm on Facebook in no time).

Take it easy.


Limerick #2

Posted April 17, 2009 by comicalone
Categories: Random Observations

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Everyone envied Bob Sabre

Till his Missus went into Labor

You could tell by his frown

that she had slept around

Junior looked just like the Neighbor

A violation of the Blue Balls Protocol

Posted April 16, 2009 by comicalone
Categories: Uncategorized

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“MADISON, Wis. – A nurse was called out of surgery so a manager could tell her she was being laid off. Dean Health said the surgery was minor and the patient wasn’t affected, but the manager who summoned the nurse from surgery violated medical protocol.”

As anyone who goes by “Mr. Lipshitz” knows, a name is very important.

It’s all in the details.

If you make a nurse stop working in the middle of a procedure it’s called a violation of medical protocol.

If you make a Porn Star stop working in the middle of a procedure it’s called blue balls.

Lipshitz: http://www.houseofnames.com/nameresults.asp?item=JPG-1001-300&sId=&surname=Lipshitz&origin=GR


A Limerick

Posted April 15, 2009 by comicalone
Categories: Uncategorized

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The drive to work started off fine

Till I flew right through the Stop Sign

At this she was blue

And growled “Screw You!!”

I sped off replying “Kiss Mine!”

Shiver me timbers! Pirate Misquoted!

Posted April 14, 2009 by comicalone
Categories: In The News

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“Obama says US ‘resolved’ to fight piracy; pirates vow revenge for captain’s rescue”

This piece of front-page news might contain a misquote from one of the villains.

This part right here:

“From now on, if we capture foreign ships and their respective countries try to attack us, we will kill them (the hostages),” Jamac Habeb, a 30-year-old pirate, told The Associated Press from one of Somalia’s piracy hubs, Eyl.

I think the quote was supposed to be:

“From now on, if we capture foreign ships and their respective countries try to attack us, we will hornswaggle the landlubbers!”

We should check on that.


He’s 10 and He’s Gay!

Posted April 13, 2009 by comicalone
Categories: In The News

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A Polish politician is up in arms over the local zoo’s acquisition of a “gay” elephant. 

““We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys ($11 million) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there,” Michal Grzes, a conservative councilor in the city of Poznan in western Poland, was quoted as saying.”

Apparently the elephant, named Ninio, prefers the company of males and will probably not procreate.

A zoo official thinks that Councilor Grzes might be jumping the gun.

“The head of the Poznan zoo said 10-year-old Ninio may be too young to decide whether he prefers males or females as elephants only reach sexual maturity at 14.”

I’m just glad that the zoo staff had the presence of mind to keep this guy clear of the Ape House on his way out of the park. We wouldn’t want him to witness a male chimp grooming one of his comrades. The Councilor might claim that the ape is the hairdresser of the bunch and ask for his banishment into the wild.

This guy needs a hobby.

Maybe he should write a humor blog.