Posted tagged ‘Prison’

Darwin is right…again.

March 23, 2010

Do you ever get the feeling that Darwin’ theories about survival of the fittest apply to modern humans too?

I got that feeling when I read this:

“KENNEWICK, Wash. – A burglar who spent about five hours on a store’s computer after breaking into the business gave police all the clues they needed to track him down.”

The associated press reported this piece of scientific evidence last week. Why is it scientific evidence?

Well the way I figure it, this person will end up in jail – eventually. And while in jail he will not be able to reproduce (barring any conjugal visits). That’s it. A guy dumb enough to loiter in the place he’s robbing for five hours to play around online is not the kind of guy we want making more people.

“Investigators said the 17-year-old logged into his MySpace account while at Bella Office Furniture and that made it easy for them to find him.”

It’s also a blessing that the criminal will not be able to use any social networking sites while in prison. His status updates would most certainly be too graphic for most to read – depending on how frisky of a cellmate he ends up with.

“He also spent time…trying to sell stolen items, all while using the business’ computer.”

And of course, no five-hour stint on the internet would be complete without a look on Ebay. Although I’m not convinced he was trying to sell the items he had just stolen. He might have also been looking to bid for some of the items he wasn’t able to find at the crime scene.

But what do I know?


Oppotunity in a Growth Industry

April 2, 2009

You just can’t make this stuff up:

“SAO PAULO – Inmates have devised an innovative way to smuggle in cell phones into a prison farm in Brazil: carrier pigeons. Guards at the Danilio Pinheiro prison near the southeastern city of Sorocaba noticed a pigeon resting on an electric wire with a small cloth bag tied to one of its legs last week. “The guards nabbed the bird after luring it down with some food and discovered components of a small cell phone inside the bag,” police investigator Celso Soramiglio said Tuesday.

One day later, another pigeon was spotted dragging a similar bag inside the prison’s exercise yard. Inside the bag was the cell phone’s charger, Soramiglio said.”

Are you thinking what the Brazilian prisoners are thinking?

All the inmates need are bigger pigeons to fly them out of jail!

This could be a huge opportunity for a scientist. I’m sure the inmates would pay millions in drug money to anyone that can mutate a trained pigeon large enough to carry a felon over prison walls. And in this case, so far as the prisoners are concerned, I’m sure that the ends would justify any means. Hormones, steroids, genetic mutations – I seriously doubt they would care how you did it.

P.E.T.A might have a huge problem with this whole plan. I don’t know if they would think that growing a pigeon to the size of a Chevy is cruel. But in this economy, a potential gold mine like this needs to be brought to the public.

So if you know a mad scientist (or even a slightly insane scientist with student loans to pay) send them this link. It might get them, and the prisoners, out of a jam.

Just wear a helmet when in the laboratory’s parking lot. These droppings would do more than ruin your paint job.