Posted tagged ‘Darwin’

Darwin is right…again.

March 23, 2010

Do you ever get the feeling that Darwin’ theories about survival of the fittest apply to modern humans too?

I got that feeling when I read this:

“KENNEWICK, Wash. – A burglar who spent about five hours on a store’s computer after breaking into the business gave police all the clues they needed to track him down.”

The associated press reported this piece of scientific evidence last week. Why is it scientific evidence?

Well the way I figure it, this person will end up in jail – eventually. And while in jail he will not be able to reproduce (barring any conjugal visits). That’s it. A guy dumb enough to loiter in the place he’s robbing for five hours to play around online is not the kind of guy we want making more people.

“Investigators said the 17-year-old logged into his MySpace account while at Bella Office Furniture and that made it easy for them to find him.”

It’s also a blessing that the criminal will not be able to use any social networking sites while in prison. His status updates would most certainly be too graphic for most to read – depending on how frisky of a cellmate he ends up with.

“He also spent time…trying to sell stolen items, all while using the business’ computer.”

And of course, no five-hour stint on the internet would be complete without a look on Ebay. Although I’m not convinced he was trying to sell the items he had just stolen. He might have also been looking to bid for some of the items he wasn’t able to find at the crime scene.

But what do I know?


Stool Smashup

March 31, 2009

The associated press was nice enough to share a story about a man in Ohio who was charged with drunk driving after crashing his motorized bar stool.

“Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower.

Twenty-eight-year Kile Wygle was hospitalized for minor injuries. Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph.

Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial.”

I have one main question.

Q: How does the man know that the motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph?  There is no odometer. (You can see a picture of the vehicle in the link I’ve posted)

A: I came up with two ways that he could have figured that out – both pretty ridiculous.

1) He timed his trip between two places and figured it out based on distance. This does not make much sense because he couldn’t have been going top speed the whole way. It also seems unlikely to me that this man would have the forethought to map out a course, clock the distance and then conduct the experiment. He is, after all, someone who just got busted for drinking 15 beers and then crashing a home-made vehicle. I just don’t see him being a proponent of the scientific method. 

2) He rode along-side the car of one of his brain-dead friends, brought the stool up to top speed and then asked his buddy in the car how fast they were going. This way would be safer, but no less absurd. Oh what I would give to see those wizards riding around in a parking lot screaming “how fast now!?”. I’m picturing cut-off jean shorts, a rat-tail, high-top sneakers and an American Flag t-shirt.

The most important aspect of this story is the impact it could have on the scientific world.

Darwin could be wrong.

He lived!!!